selfish

I actually spent a lot of time thinking about the end of the world last semester - crazy, I know, it wasn't going to end, but there was always that flicker of "what if?" and for some reason I have been anticipating this spring semester more than any other while I've been at uni. I figured if I ~got the chance to see 2013~ I was going to make it really fucking perfect. My plans for after uni have really started to fall into place lately, and I feel very secure in those plans. A lot of my life has been little snippets of "hey, look at me doing exactly what I want!" and I really just want that to be the rest of my life.

While I am (as always) heartbroken to leave Germany as it was likely the last Christmas I'll spend here, I am looking so forward to a fresh start. There are a lot of things in my life I want to change, and I get very inspired when I have a lot of time to myself like I have over the last few weeks. Whenever I talk to someone about the next few years and they worry if they're making the right choices that will propel them into the future they want to have, I always give the same bit of advice - you are in your twenties. This is the only time you have for the rest of your life to be as selfish as you want. I truly do believe that, and I also see absolutely no negative connotations on the word "selfish" when it comes to how I apply that word to myself. For me, selfish means doing things for myself that will better me as a person. I will always choose the option that provides me with a better state of mind and body rather than the option that pleases other people, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am selfish in ways that are GOOD for me. I don't ever want to lose sight of what is good for me, what I like for myself, and how I make the choices that I do.

So for anyone who struggles in making decisions of any sort, I want you to remember that you are young. It's a bland statement, a monotonous statement, one you hear on the radio all the time in that stupid song. But it's so, so true. And it's imperative that you realize that you are shaping yourself right now. You are growing into the person you're going to be for the rest of your life, and it's really so vital that you understand just how important your relationship with yourself is. It's the only one, in the end, that other relationships can stem from. Love yourself, in the best selfish way possible, because you deserve it.